Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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