she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
