just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
