dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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