dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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