I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
