Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
