is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
