they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i now understand why vodka
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
