dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
