If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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