I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
