oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
