i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
