Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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