CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
