So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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