this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
