Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
