This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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