I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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