no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
