Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
