My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
