YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
