Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
