You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
