I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
