I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my vag is so smooth its legendary
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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