WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
