Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
