i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
