the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
