A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
