I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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