Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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