We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
