yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
