I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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