I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
