so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
