apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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