the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
