sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My life is pants optional.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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