Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
