You really coming over, don't trick.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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