Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
