Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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