and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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