if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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