Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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